Turning base metal into...more base metal

A recent radio discussion on what to do with all those spare coppers (money, not lazy bizzies) attracted some amazing texts. Apparently, Britain, you simply chuck your surplus pennies in the bin. That's right, there are people who throw away money. Isn't this the ultimate in conspicuous consumption? 'Oh we have all this money, but it doesn't quite suit us so we're going to throw it away.'

It's not hard to imagine. The perfect house. The smudge-free glass doors leading to the sterile garden. The bowl of grubby coinage that poor people may have touched. Nope, just not part of the dream.

True, these are not people who go to the pub, to have crisp notes downgraded into a trouser-full of change. But they don't use public transport and the Daily Mail is delivered, so their opportunities to offload metal money are limited.

Presumably they're also too thick to understand that this is still money, just in its second least appealing form*.

But for the rest of us, help comes from an unexpected quarter. Lord Sainsbury and his ilk have provided us with special machines so we can convert handfuls of smash into acceptable drinking tokens. And here's how.

In the interests of cutting the nation's few remaining jobs, major supermarkets have introduced self-service tills in their smaller outlets. These tills take cash. You can also part-pay in cash and then switch to a card. For small amounts of change, this is the preferred method.

But let's say you want to buy something costing £5, and have accumulated £10 in change. If you have the nerve (and I do) you can feed your £5 into the machine in any combination of coins you happen to have. Then press 'Cancel Payment'. Do you get your rubbish money back in an embarrassing heap of coins that spills on to the floor? You do not. You get proper money, including notes. You can then feed another £5 of change into the machine to complete your purchase.

Unfortunately you are also doing the supermarkets a favour, by giving them loads of change, and saving them the cost of buying it from the bank. But I think we can live with that.

* Rupert Murdoch or George Osborne, your choice.