Playing sardines

There's nothing women like more in a man than warmth, intelligence and humour. So when wannabe novelist Tony Parsons told the Portuguese Ambassador to keep his 'sardine-munching mouth shut' his walk back from the pub must have looked like the chase scenes from A Hard Day's Night.
But despite his obvious charms, no fewer than 485 people grassed Parsons up to the Press Complaints Commission.
I think we can be fairly certain that Kate McCann wasn't one of them. Yet how blooming she looked on her recent tour of the Low Countries, and how tasty the talented Mr Parsons looks in photographic reproduction (in his case the only sort the Croc can bear to think about). Has Tony discovered the health benefits of little oily fish? Is the true reason Kate refuses to return to Portugal a deficit in the barbeque arrangements?
Is this new wonder diet their guilty secret?